


My Lifeline

by Elsanndra



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Discord: Elsanna Shenanigans (Disney), Drinking, F/F, Smoking, Unrelated Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsanndra/pseuds/Elsanndra
Summary: Elsa’s spent her whole life chasing after love that would never be reciprocated. Chained to the thoughts of what could be, she’s beginning to notice the everlasting pain of her decisions. After years of stacking pain, Elsa’s dark, lonely world has reached its breaking point and she’s desperate to just stay afloat. CW: Sizable Age Gap (between Consenting Adults)
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney), Elsa/Iduna (Disney)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 91





	My Lifeline

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first submission onto AO3. Here's a story I wrote for our monthly Elsanna-Shenanigans Contest back in June 2020. I've finally gotten around to actually making an account, editing it based off our discord reviews, and posting it here. I'm honestly nervous but excited to hear feedback so please leave a comment and let me know what you think. I have more stories I want to post and new ones I'm continuing to write. Have a nice day!

**XXXXXX**

Life wasn’t fair. 

Elsa knew this. She witnessed life’s cruelty the moment she saw her love, beautifully draped in white, talking the hands of another and reciting loving marriage vows. Elsa felt her heart crumble. It shattered into a million little pieces the second Iduna’s lips connected with the man’s. 

How many years had she spent trying to capture Iduna’s heart? Two decades of friendship seemed to suddenly fade, like a flood of water cascading over a struggling fire. Elsa felt something within herself sizzle out until her very core was empty and cold. She couldn’t breathe.

Elsa’s eyes cast downwards, unable to stand the sight of her best friend in the arms of _that_ man any longer. She wanted to rewind time...go back to happier days. She wanted to return to a time when Iduna was oblivious to the love Elsa felt for her.

That was the most heartbreaking part. Iduna knew.

She knew Elsa was in love with her. Not long ago, a beautiful relationship between them was just on the cusp of being born. Elsa was filled with warmth back then...but Iduna tore down that dream in a single night.

_The two women were cuddled close on a queen-sized mattress. Multitudes of blankets were cast over their forms while an old box set television lit up the darkened room with rambunctious, flashing lights. The sound of the tv became fuzzy in Elsa’s ears as she heard Iduna speak._

_“W-what did you say?” Elsa asked. Her voice was timid and nervous._

_Elsa’s stomach dropped. She heard what Iduna said...she just didn’t want to believe it._

_Iduna’s gentle blue eyes sadly softened as they looked at her._

_“I can’t do this anymore Elsa.”_

_Elsa’s eyes widened. She curled the blankets around herself, hugging them close to her body. What went wrong? Everything was fine...They were happy. Weren’t they?_

_“W-why not? Was it me? Did- did I do something wrong?”_

_Iduna shook her head. For the briefest moments she saw Iduna’s lips quiver as the woman continued to speak._

_“Elsa…” Iduna sighed, “We both knew that someday I’d have to choose. I can’t keep stringing the both of you along while I try to figure everything out. I have to choose.”_

_Elsa clutched her platinum blonde braid that hung from her left shoulder. She worriedly chewed on the bottom of her lip. Elsa could feel an ache in her eyes and Iduna’s pale, flawless face became blurry._

_“Choose me.” Elsa murmured in desperation._

_“Elsa...”_

_“Please.” Elsa pleaded, reaching out towards Iduna and placing her palm on the brunette’s forearm. “Choose me. I love you Iduna.”_

_Several moments of silence passed by and Elsa could feel the tears in her eyes spill over and slide down her cheeks. They were so close to something great. She knew it._

_“You’re my best friend Elsa. I don’t want to hurt you, but I want to be with Agnarr. I just can’t accept your feelings.”_

_“Iduna I can change! Whatever you need...I swear. I can-!” Elsa rushed, but was swiftly interrupted._

_“Elsa.” Iduna paused, placing her palm over the blonde's pale, thin wrist. “I don’t want you to change. I want to keep our friendship, just as it’s always been. Can we do that? Can you just be that for me?”_

_Elsa could hear Iduna’s sadness in her voice. She could tell it was hard for the other woman to say these things, but it was harder for Elsa to accept them. They’d known each other since childhood, and Elsa could feel all their shared memories suddenly slipping away. At the end of the day, her love wasn’t enough._

_‘You’re too cruel Iduna.’ Elsa thought as she slid her hand out from the brunette’s grasp and cried into her hands. ‘I can’t just go back to that.’_

_“You’re gonna be okay Elsa .” Iduna murmured and leaned forward._

_Elsa felt the burning touch of Iduna’s soft lips as they pressed against her forehead. This was all she’d ever get. Elsa gasped as she realized Iduna was never going to be anything more than a friend._

_Iduna had chosen someone else._

Elsa shook her head, trying to clear away that messy, heartbreaking memory and she looked back towards Iduna and Agnarr. They were walking towards her. The beautiful smile Iduna wore only pushed a dagger deeper into Elsa’s heart.

“Congratulations, you two.” Elsa said, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady. 

She hated the fake smile that spread on her lips. It was a hideous lie, but one she had to keep...for Iduna’s sake.

“Thank you Elsa.” Agnarr spoke. She could tell he was genuine in his thanks.

Elsa looked at the man, his tanned skin was glowing with joy. Elsa tried to hate Agnarr, but she couldn’t find the will to do so in her heart. He was a good man. He made Iduna happy...happier than she ever could.

Iduna excitedly bounced closer and Elsa fought the feeling to run away.

“What’d you think of the ceremony?” 

“It was beautiful.” Elsa breathed.

Elsa stopped herself from saying more. She was careful with her speech. One wrong word and she’d break down in an instant. Iduna rushed into her, hugging her tightly in a warm embrace and Elsa felt the walls she built up crumble into tiny pebbles.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” Iduna whispered, her breath tickled Elsa’s ear. “It means everything to me.”

Elsa returned the hug with her arms wrapping around Iduna. Her hold was tighter than it probably should have been but Elsa wasn’t strong enough to keep all her feelings away. Iduna’s perfume burned into Elsa’s nose and the blonde struggled to keep her body from shaking.

“I’m happy to be here too.” Elsa lied, but the ecstatic look on Iduna’s face as she pulled away was worth the pain. 

\----o----

Six years came and went like a blur. Life was bleak, and uninteresting, like everything lost its color. Hours felt like days and days felt like weeks, but the years passed by as if they were months. 

Elsa found herself in a large auditorium. She stood on its lengthy stage with her hands gripping the sides of a wooden podium. Blue eyes that lost their radiance stared out into a sea of nameless faces, all watching her with focus and intent. 

The projector light in the distance was strong and distracting but Elsa found that distraction miniscule. She continued to recite the words of her lecture as she’s spoken them repeatedly for years.

“Note that, associated to any eigenvalue there’s infinitely corresponding eigenvectors.” 

Elsa clicked her powerpoint remote control and continued with her linear algebra lecture. 

“If I take X, and change it to another variable like-.”

The sound of a metal door being pushed open paused Elsa’s speech and the blonde professor caught the sight of another woman entering the auditorium. Elsa squinted her eyes and was about to call out to the newest addition to her class, until she recognized the woman.

Elsa’s throat became dry at the sight of her. Six years and Iduna hadn’t changed at all. She was still that beautiful woman Elsa had fallen for in their teenage years. The brunette was looking at her with and indescribable fascination and Elsa could feel her body uncomfortably sweat.

_What was she doing here?_

“T-the um- X could be changed to something like C times X and the lambda formula would still be true.” 

Elsa continued with her lecture until the clock struck three. She sighed, running her hand through her over her slicked back bangs and closing her laptop on the podium. The many students of her class orderly walked out of the room and just as Elsa was packing up her belongings she heard footsteps approach closer.

“Congratulations on becoming a professor.” 

Elsa froze at the gentle, familiar voice and her crystal blue eyes slowly turned to Iduna standing before her. Up close, Elsa admired the smoothness of Iduna’s pale skin and the perfectly kept brown hair, styled into an elegant bun.

“I- I received my PhD a couple years ago.” Elsa spoke timidly.

“I’m happy for you.” Iduna smiled.

Elsa could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She’d thought that after so much time apart her feelings would have faded, but seeing Iduna standing before her...Nothing’s changed.

“W-what are you doing here?” Elsa asked.

Iduna’s eyes fell and Elsa hated the frown that marred the woman’s face. Iduna’s wellbeing had always been at the forefront of Elsa’s mind.

“It’s been so long since we’ve last seen each other. I’ve missed you.” 

Elsa let out a shaky breath as she finished gathering all her equipment and threw her purse over her shoulder. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Elsa murmured softly as her gaze fell to the stage.

“Could we catch up? Grab an afternoon coffee?” 

Elsa wanted nothing more than to say no. Her mind screamed at her to leave the situation. To leave Iduna behind and avoid the pain, but something deeper and more convincing within had the blonde nodding her head slowly. 

The two women walked out of the lecture hall, side by side. Elsa felt the tension in the air pooling next to them as they made their way to the campus coffee shop. She was actually rather startled when they had arrived and had taken a seat by the window. She couldn’t recall how they had gotten there so quickly.

A few moments of silence had Elsa squirming in her seat and she found her voice breaking the silence faster than Iduna.

“How’s Agnarr?” 

Iduna smiled and Elsa felt her shoulders slump in the slightest movement. The mere mention of his name had the brunette’s mood brightening. Elsa couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that took hold of her at the sight.

“Really good. He’s just been promoted to a senior position of sales in his company.” 

“The one that distributes winter clothes and equipment?” Elsa couldn’t remember the name of the company...or maybe she just didn’t want to.

“Mmhmm.” Iduna nodded. “Agnarr’s great at what he does. He received a bonus last year so we’re living much more comfortably now.” 

“That’s...really good to hear.” Elsa replied. “He’s pretty young for a position like that.”

They were all only twenty eight. Agnarr had already moved up so far in such a short time. It had Elsa wondering what more she could’ve done in these last few years. She barely managed to continue living day to day.

Iduna leaned forward in her seat excitedly and Elsa slightly shifted away in response. 

“How about you? What’s changed over the years?”

 _‘Nothing.’_ Elsa thought, _‘Nothing’s changed at all.’_

However, Elsa decided not to speak her thoughts and instead told Iduna all about her teaching position. How she’d received her PhD and was granted tenure at Arendelle University after a few years of practice. There wasn’t much to say though. Elsa was now acutely aware of how wasted these last six years have felt. None of her accomplishments gave her any happiness.

There wasn’t much joy to be found in life these days.

“Would you want to come over sometime? We could have dinner?”

“I- I don’t know.” Elsa replied, just being in Iduna’s company had resurrected so much pain. “I’m pretty busy these days.”

“Please Elsa.” Iduna pleaded. “I’ll bake you that chocolate cake you always liked. It’s your favorite right?”

 _‘It was only my favorite because it was your favorite.’_ Elsa dropped her eyes to the floor.

“I don’t- I can’t-.” Elsa struggled to find the words to deny Iduna. It’d never been in her vocabulary.

“This weekend. Saturday.” Iduna practically demanded, while her deep blue eyes stared into Elsa’s warmly.

Elsa was helpless as she found herself tentatively nodding her head 

\----o----

Iduna’s and Agnarr’s home was beautiful. The many other houses in the neighborhood were just as big and expensive, but as Elsa stood on the porch of the home, she could recognize many of Iduna’s touches that made the home more radiant than any other house on the block. 

The perfectly placed and well cared for flowers that littered the entryway, the clean cut grass and little stone fountains that were placed on either side of the front door. Everything about the home was inviting. 

Elsa gently pushed the doorbell and a unique chime rang from inside the home.

When the thick mahogany door opened, Elsa was blasted with warmth and the pleasant smell of a home cooked meal. Iduna excitedly greeted the blonde woman, pulling her into the house. Elsa was enthralled by the design of the home. It was open and spacious, with furniture and art tastefully spread throughout.

“I’m so glad you came Elsa.” Iduna smiled and Elsa found herself nodding and smiling in response...no matter how painful the simple act was.

“Nyoooom!”

Elsa’s eyes widened at the sound of a much younger voice reverberating off the walls. She was even more startled when a young, redheaded, little girl raced around the corner. The child had her thin arms spread out horizontally and ran towards the two women.

“Whoosh!” The child called, shifting her arms up and down as if they were wings of a plane. 

The little girl, distracted by her own actions slammed into Iduna and Elsa reached out a hand as if she hoped to somehow help the situation.

“Oof.” The girl grunted before wrapping her arms around Iduna’s lower waist and laughing. “Mama! You’re in the way!”

Iduna smiled as she placed her palm on the crown of the little girl’s head. 

“Shouldn’t an ace pilot be more aware of her surroundings?”

Iduna’s eyes flashed over towards Elsa and she gasped.

“I’m so embarrassed. Time has flown by so quickly, I forget what you know and don’t know. Elsa, this is my daughter, Anna.” Idunna spoke while brushing the little girls red hair with her palm. 

Elsa’s lips trembled. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. This was Iduna’s and Agnarr’s...daughter? They had a daughter and Iduna hadn’t even remembered to tell her? Elsa’s eyes dropped to the little girl’s, noticing the bundles of freckles spread across rosy cheeks and bright green eyes that stared at her in curiosity.

Elsa took a breath and hated herself in that moment. She hated that when she gazed upon the child she felt nothing but pain. Elsa felt weak and tiny as she couldn't stop her heart from constricting tightly. If her love for Iduna was broken and pained, the mere existence of this child had only amplified her hurt.

“Mama who's that?” Anna asked, pointing a finger at Elsa.

Elsa swallowed thickly and if she wasn’t rooted in shock she would’ve already been sprinting out of the home.

“Anna this is Elsa. She’s a really good friend of Mama’s.” Iduna spoke, “She’s having dinner with us.”

Anna bounced excitedly towards Elsa and the blonde took a hesitant step backwards.

“Hi! I’m Anna and I’m four and a half.” Anna raised her little hand outwards showing four chubby fingers then looking at her own hand, trying to figure out how to show a “half”. 

Elsa didn’t know what to say. She’d never been good with kids and the shock of the meeting was still running through her veins. 

“It’s nice to meet you Anna.” Elsa finally said, her voice was formal and stiff.

“You’re pretty!” Anna shouted excitedly.

Elsa couldn’t stop the small laughter that passed through her lips and she found herself smiling. Iduna laughed as well, taking out a hand and placing it lovingly on Anna’s shoulder. The door behind the three opened and Elsa turned to see Agnarr enter the home. He was dressed in a slimming black suit and tie, his dirty blonde hair slicked back and a thick moustache graced his upper lip. Despite Elsa’s lack of comfort from the man’s presence, she had to admit that he looked good.

“Ah Elsa.” Agnarr spoke, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the woman. “I was told you’d be coming by for dinner. It’s great to see you.”

Elsa nodded, wishing that she could reciprocate the same sentiments, but deep down, her ugly, jealous self wouldn’t ever allow her the luxury. The two shared a quick embrace and Elsa was led by Iduna and Agnarr into the dining room with Anna sprinting ahead. 

\----o----

Life wasn’t getting easier. 

Elsa decided this as she sat on a park bench, watching a seven year old Anna relentlessly chase a frightened squirrel. Three years passed and Elsa was certain that she was running her life into a dead end. 

Coming back into Iduna’s life was quite possibly the worst decision she’s ever made. The constant reminder of her one sided love held Elsa down. It felt like she was drowning, unable to receive a single second of air. Yet, Elsa stayed in the depths of the water. She endured and for reasons she wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe she was addicted to the torture? Whatever her reason, it was pathetic.

At least she had actually come to terms with Anna. She no longer felt that intense, hollow ache when she saw the child, but that wasn’t really an accomplishment. It just made her feel a little less despicable. She was actually able to babysit the child like she was now. 

Elsa sighed, pulling a carton of cigarettes from her jacket and lighting a single one. She placed the cigarette to her lips and pulled a long drag that filled her lungs. The feeling of relief she felt from the act was disturbing but Elsa found herself trying not to care. Life was cruel and the nicotine made it a little less so.

Elsa released a puff of smoke into the air, watching the wisps of smoke swirl and drift in the breeze. A buzz in her pocket had Elsa reaching for her phone and checking the screen.

 _“Almost done with the dentist. Thanks again for watching Anna.”_ Iduna texted.

Elsa struggled to type out a quick reply on her flip phone but eventually sent a message back. 

“Elsa look!” Anna’s voice shouted happily and Elsa glanced up from her phone.

Anna was running at her excitedly, two little pigtails bouncing from her tiny body’s jerky movements. The girl’s clothes were splattered with dirt and mud and her sun kissed skin was littered with marks and scratches. Elsa’s eyes widened as she saw Anna’s hand holding out a squirming squirrel. The creature was frantically and desperately trying to escape Anna’s hold.

Elsa shot to her feet.

“Jesus Fuc-! Anna put it down!” Elsa screamed while Anna just laughed excitedly.

\----o----

“Elsa...I’m worried about you.” Iduna’s voice was quiet, but filled with concern.

Elsa couldn’t care much for Iduna’s worry, not when she had a bottle of whiskey in her clutches. The brunette sighed while pacing across the blonde’s dirty apartment, carefully avoiding the trash and empty bottles scattered without care. 

“ ’m fine.” Elsa groaned, her head was starting to pound but the feeling was muted...almost numb.

“You’re not.” 

Elsa leaned back in her chair, her head rolling to the side from the motion. The room was blurry and unrecognizable, but Iduna’s form was still crystal clear. It was as if her mind would never allow her to forget the woman.

“I said I’m fine.” Elsa growled. She wasn’t expecting Iduna to show up and ruin her afternoon like this. Why couldn’t she drink in peace?

“I care about you Elsa. You need to pull yourself together.” 

_‘You don’t care about me.’_ Elsa thought darkly, _‘You just want me to pretend I'm still your best friend and that I never loved you.’_

Iduna maneuvered around the cluttered table and stood beside Elsa. She reached down, wrapped her arms around Elsa and pulled the drunken woman to her feet. Elsa was motion sick from the movement but the feeling of Iduna’s warm embrace had her clutching the woman’s form with all her strength. 

“Iduna.” Elsa whimpered as she pressed into the woman she still loved. She didn’t want to let go.

Elsa closed her eyes and inhaled Iduna’s familiar scent. The act was pleasant and grounding and helped her find some sort of stability. Elsa’s knuckles clenched painfully as she gripped Iduna’s clothes tighter. The feeling of their bodies pressed against one another had Elsa’s thoughts swimming with what could’ve been. 

She tilted her head, resting in the crook of Iduna’s pale neck.

“Elsa you can’t keep doing this.” Iduna whispered while rubbing Elsa’s back soothingly.

Elsa closed her eyes. She knew Iduna was talking about the alcohol but she couldn’t help but think the words were better suited towards the reality of her life. 

_‘It hurts so much.’_

Elsa turned her head slightly, while her darkened, cerulean eyes hazily drifted to the flawlessly smooth skin of Iduna’s throat. She pressed forward, placing her lips against Iduna’s neck. Her tongue slipped past her lips and she tasted Iduna’s pulse.

Iduna’s hands were swift as they suddenly gripped Elsa’s shoulders and pushed the blonde away. Elsa’s eyes cast downwards in shame immediately.

“Sorry...” Elsa whispered.

“You can’t do that.” Iduna scolded gently.

“I know I- I don’t know what I was thinking.”

It was a lie. Elsa knew exactly what she’d done. She had hope, the faintest hope, that Iduna would accept her advances. That she could salvage a mere scrap of happiness from their friendship. But Iduna wasn’t like that. She was loyal and kind, nothing like what Elsa felt herself becoming. There was no chance for them to be together now.

That ship had sailed long ago when Iduna married Agnarr and had a wonderful child, and Elsa realized it’s distance was getting farther and farther each day…

\----o----

“Can I have another chocolate bar?” 

Elsa glanced to the passenger seat of her sedan, eyeing the young ten year old. 

“You’ve already had two.” Elsa said.

Anna’s response was to groan and lethargically arch her body and flailing arms. 

“Just one more! Please? You know I play better when I have some chocolate before the game.”

Elsa chuckled. Anna wasn’t wrong. For some strange reason the young girl always played better in her basketball games when Elsa fueled her with some chocolate. Not that it was common for Elsa to attend Anna’s games in the first place...Iduna just couldn’t make it sometimes.

“I don’t have any more chocolate.”

“That’s a lie! You always have chocolate.” Anna argued while suddenly pulling at Elsa’s purse from behind the seat. 

Elsa’s eyes widened.

“Okay. Okay.” Elsa sighed.

Sometimes she wondered how Anna knew her so well. Wasn’t it weird for a ten year old to pay so much attention to someone like her? Well, it was all in the vain of chocolate wasn’t it? So maybe not.

“You have to win this game though.” Elsa said.

It was an empty request. Elsa knew that Anna would get her chocolate either way. At least the older woman could push the child a little bit.

“I’ll beat the hell out of those losers!” Anna claimed fiercely.

“Language.” Elsa tried to sound stern but she struggled to stop the smile from forming on her lips.

Anna went quiet for a little while. Nothing but the sounds of a crinkling candy wrapper and the roar of the road filled the vehicle’s cabin.

“Do you think Dad’s gonna come to one of my games?” Anna asked suddenly, her tone was soft and the girl was staring out the car window longingly while she chewed on the corner of her chocolate bar. 

Elsa struggled to come up with an answer. She wasn’t prepared for something like this. It wasn’t her job. Iduna should be the one consoling her daughter about these things. 

“He’s a busy man, but I’m sure he’ll try to make it to at least one.” 

“Yeah.” Anna mumbled sadly.

Elsa closed her eyes for a brief second, searching for something to say. She wanted to comfort Anna as best as she could.

“I’ll come to the rest of your games though.” Elsa winced at her claim, it wasn’t _exactly_ what she wanted to say.

Anna spun in her seat excitedly. Her bright green eyes lit up with joy. Elsa chuckled at the stray chocolate stain on the side of Anna’s freckled cheek.

“You will? Promise?” 

Elsa nodded her head and stared at the road ahead. She could see from the corner of her vision Anna was bouncing in her seat giddily. At least she managed to lift the girl’s spirits. 

Elsa mentally groaned. Now she had to schedule around the rest of Anna’s season.

\----o----

“Elsa!” Anna shouted as she threw a packet of 8th grade algebra homework onto the granite countertop of the kitchen bar with a violent motion. 

Elsa sighed, rubbing her pads of her fingers on her forehead. This was definitely a routine the two shared when Elsa visited. The bouncy redhead would ask for help with her homework, pay attention for fifteen minutes, then complain until Elsa all but practically finished the packet. 

“Anna, don’t pester Elsa.” Iduna called from behind her as the mother was busy cooking dinner over the stove.

Anna scooted into the bar chair next to Elsa, eyeing the blonde with a pleading glint in her gaze. 

“Please help me. Mom’s terrible at math and Dad’s too busy with work.”

Elsa actually laughed lightly at Anna’s dig towards Iduna. Anna was right. Elsa remembered the many, many sleepovers she and Iduna had throughout her years in school. Iduna was always the one to panic about her math homework.

“Only if you promise to actually do all the work.” Elsa replied cheekily.

“Pffft.” Anna waved a hand at Elsa’s remark. “Of course I will.”

Elsa smiled at the nonchalant act. If there was one thing that was consistent in this household it was how entertaining Anna made it. The girl carried a natural brightness in her attitude that lifted Elsa’’s spirits without fail. It was the one saving grace that made Elsa’s continued visits more bearable. 

The two worked on Anna’s algebra homework for a few hours and much to Elsa’s surprise, Anna actually completed the packet herself and suddenly the girl was sprinting off upstairs into her room.

“Thanks Elsa! You’re the best!” Anna cheered as she barreled up the stairs.

Elsa smiled before Iduna walked over and handed her three sets of plates. Elsa eyed the plates confusingly before looking back towards Iduna.

“Is Agnarr not joining us?”

“He’s coming.” Iduna smiled before leaning in and whispering. “Anna’s got a date with a boy tonight.”

“Oh?” Elsa quirked her eyebrow upward and smirked in gossiping interest before hearing the patter of Anna’s footsteps rushing down the stairs.

Anna had changed into a large green hoodie with a pair of light blue jeans, tattered with holes and converse sneakers. 

“Okay I’m heading out.” Anna called.

“Wait!” Iduna responded, “ _That’s_ what you’re wearing?”

Anna tilted her head in confusion. 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Oh- um nothing.” Iduna said.

“Ugh.” Anna groaned loudly while flailing her arms, “Well now I’m self conscious!”

“It’s nothing dear. Really. Have fun.” Iduna replied.

“I’m gonna go change.” Anna turned to run back up the stairs.

“Elsa help me out here.” Iduna whispered hurriedly to the blonde watching the conversation. 

Elsa paused to glance over Anna. She wore her hair in twin braids that fell over her shoulders, there wasn't much makeup on Anna’s tanned face, just some light mascara that brought out the green of her eyes. Anna’s many freckles on her cheeks were displayed proudly. Elsa thought the look suited Anna quite nicely. The girl was bright and genuine and her look mirrored the girl’s personality. She was cute.

“I think you look great Anna.”

Anna turned back around, her eyes glancing towards Elsa.

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Elsa nodded her head and Anna’s cheeks flushed before a brilliantly white smile spread across her face. 

“Well then I’ll keep what I have on. Bye!” Anna cheerily shouted before racing out of the home.

“Love you! Make smart choices!” Iduna shouted after the girl before sighing and turning to Elsa.

“Why can’t she listen to me like she does with you?”

Elsa shrugged. 

“You’re the one that called her out on her outfit.”

The two laughed and for a moment Elsa felt like the two were back in high school. Their childhood friendship that made Elsa feel at peace was finally peeking through the dark clouds. Elsa felt a small smile form on her lips. 

If only she could always feel like this.

\----o----

Elsa stared at herself in the mirror of her bathroom. The dark circles under her eyes and sickly pale skin unnerved her to no end. She was thin, weak and ugly. There was a voice that lingered in her head.

_‘This is what you really are.’_

Elsa placed her hands on the sink, bracing her body against the porcelain. The words pierced into her deeply. Her grip tightened and she clenched her teeth in frustration.

_‘No one loves you.’_

Elsa whimpered to herself. She couldn’t take her eyes away from what she saw in the mirror. The pitiful, pathetic woman stared back at her with lifeless eyes. She couldn’t argue with the voice because she knew it was right.

_‘How much longer can you keep this up?’_

Elsa turned to shakily reach for the bottle of alcohol. Her palm found the smooth glass and she lifted it up, frowning at the sight of a mere sliver of bourbon pooling at the bottom. 

\----o----

A hasty knocking at her front door caught Elsa’s attention as she paused her typing on her laptop. She glanced at the clock in her living room, noting the lateness of the hour. Elsa’s brow furrowed as she got up. It wasn’t normal to receive visitors at this time. Even Iduna would at least text before coming over.

Elsa twisted the lock of her apartment door and pulled the door open. Elsa’s crystal blue eyes widened at the sight of Anna. The girl nervously squirmed from side to side, her green eyes flickering up from the floor then back down. 

“Anna.” Elsa spoke, tilting her head around the girl to see the rusty 1998 beige Toyota Camry parked right outside her apartment. 

Anna’s 16th birthday present was certainly a sore sight but Elsa forgot about the car for a moment and looked back towards the young woman.

“You drove here? Alone? Why-?” Elsa paused and her eyes widened at the purplish mark that marred the corner of Anna’s freckled cheek. “What happened?”

Anna’s fingers lifted to rub against the mark in question before mumbling, “C-can I come in?”

“Of course.” Elsa responded before moving aside and letting the redhead slip into the apartment.

Elsa guided Anna towards the couch in her living room. She mentally groaned at the sight of all the empty bottles scattered about, wishing she would have cleaned up. It wasn’t something she was comfortable with Anna seeing, but given the attitude of the teenager it seemed like she wasn’t taking notice. 

“Tell me what happened?” Elsa asked as the two sat down next to each other on the couch.

She watched Anna with concern. What on earth happened to the poor girl?

“I- um.” Anna started, her lip quivered slightly. “Kinda got in a fight.” 

Elsa placed her hand on Anna’s shoulder, trying to give any sort of comfort to the girl. Elsa frowned as she watched Anna’s eyes redden and water. The girl’s breath was coming out in short intervals and Elsa started rubbing Anna’s shoulder.

“Do your parents know?”

“Not yet...I just...after the fight I just got in my car and started driving.” Anna paused to let a deep breath pass through her lips, “I didn’t really want to go home. I guess I just wound up here…”

“It’s okay.” Elsa soothed. “Tell me what happened.”

Anna leaned backwards into the couch. Her shoulders arched back into the leather and she released a frustrated sigh. The young woman’s sadness seemed to dissolve as anger began swirling in the pupils of her eyes.

“Buncha jerks were making fun of me.” 

Elsa remained silent, letting Anna speak at whatever pace she wished. Elsa’s concern was growing with each passing second. 

“A rumor around school started spreading about me.” Anna swallowed thickly. “Some guys decided to mess with me after school and I...well I just started punching.”

Anna eyed Elsa carefully before looking down towards her hands. Elsa followed Anna’s gaze and frowned at the bruises that lined tanned knuckles. Elsa always knew that Anna could be a bit feisty. A little rash in decision making too, but she’d never intentionally seek out a fight.

“What was the rumor?” Elsa whispered as gently as she could.

“...” Anna stayed silent while she continued to rub her palms over her knuckles repeatedly. 

Elsa suddenly placed her palms on her knees and pushed herself off the couch. A few quick steps around bottles in her apartment brought the blonde to her fridge and she pulled out a pack of frozen green beans. In a hurried pace, Elsa walked back towards her living room couch and extended her makeshift ice-pack.

“Here.” 

Anna took the frozen item gratefully and immediately pressed into her knuckles with a slight hiss of aching pain. The two women shared a moment of silence next to each other. Elsa’s mind was swirling with thoughts, ways she could approach a conversation with Anna without upsetting the girl.

“I’m gay.” Anna said suddenly and Elsa’s body stiffened. 

“You’re-?”

“Well that’s the rumor.” Anna said quickly after, “I’d say I’m more Bi but those _assholes_ just kept taunting me with all those stupid jokes and none of them were even funny a-” 

Anna paused in her speech. Her green eyes widened to the size of dinner plates before her head swiveled quickly to look at the older woman next to her. 

“Did I just tell you I’m Bi?”

Elsa’s own shocked visage reflected Anna’s.

“Did you?” 

“Oh crap.” Anna groaned while placing her face in her hands and grumbling to herself. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”

Elsa took just a brief moment to collect herself. What was she supposed to do in this situation? The uncomfortable bubble that surrounded the two was growing larger by the second and Elsa’s skin felt hot as a result. 

Putting aside her unintelligible thoughts, Elsa lurched forward and wrapped Anna into a gentle hug. She wasn’t sure if that was what the teen needed, or even wanted. But it felt like the right thing to do.

“Anna.” Elsa whispered softly. She could easily imagine what the redhead was feeling. She’d been in that same confusing position. Elsa wished that someone was there to hold her when she had been trying to come to terms with her own sexuality. Even if Anna didn’t need that, she wanted to give the girl the same comfort that she wished she had back then. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

Anna pulled away from Elsa’s embrace to look at the older woman. Her green eyes connected with Elsa’s own. She sniffled sharply.

“R-really? I mean I know that-...I just think-...” Anna stumbled over her words repeatedly.

Elsa’s eyes softened and she used the pad of her thumb to soothingly rub the mark on Anna’s cheek. Elsa gave Anna the most genuine smile she could muster.

“Of course it’s okay.” Elsa spoke, “You’re free to love whoever you like.”

Anna released a hasty laugh, full of relief and Elsa smiled at the act. She didn’t want Anna to feel discouraged by her interests. She wanted Anna to be happy.

“I can’t believe I just let that slip.” Anna breathed and Elsa felt the tension in the young woman’s shoulders fade away. “Thanks for...ya know, understanding.” 

Elsa nodded and suddenly Anna rushed back into her arms, hugging her tightly. Elsa tensed at the strength of Anna’s arms around her frame, but smiled and returned the hug.

“I’m at least glad I told you first.” Anna whispered into Elsa’s shoulder.

Elsa nodded before speaking, “Just maybe next time don’t rush to solve things with your fists. I wouldn’t want you getting another bruise like that on your cheek.” 

Anna chuckled into Elsa’s hug.

“I don’t think those guys will mess with me again. I _really_ beat the crap outta them.”

They shared a bright smile and Elsa’s eyes closed in relief.

“I’m sure you did.”

\----o----

Elsa stood outside of Iduna’s home, frozen in place as she stared at the purple and green high school banner that was placed into the ground. 

_“Congratulations Anna! - Class of 2017”_ Elsa read silently to herself.

She was already graduating high school...Where had the time gone? Elsa sighed, bewildered that the little rascal she used to babysit was already a grown woman, college bound. Elsa grabbed the door knob of their home, twisted it open and walked inside. 

The party was loud, and a little overwhelming for Elsa. The blonde couldn’t recall the last time she’d gone to a party. It must’ve been almost two decades. Faces she didn’t recognize were laughing and chatting with each other and the atmosphere became a little claustrophobic

“Oh you’re here!” Iduna called from the kitchen. 

Elsa made eye contact with the brunette as she slipped away from conversation with a group of other parents and made her way to Elsa. The blonde gave a timid wave as Iduna approached.

“Can you believe it? My little baby is all grown up.” Iduna cheered, with just the slightest hint of sorrow in her praise.

“I really can’t believe it.” Elsa replied while shaking her head. “She came up to my waist just a few weeks ago.” 

“Too true. I guess we’re just old now.” Iduna agreed.

Elsa nodded slowly. Iduna was right. Their time had come and gone now and the thought had weighed heavily on Elsa. There wasn’t much hope for her at this point. She’d wasted so much time…

“Oh! I just spotted Agnarr. I gotta go talk to him real quick. He’s taking Anna’s graduation pretty hard.” Iduna laughed before walking off.

Elsa watched Iduna rush after her husband. His slumped shoulders as he walked by with a glass of whiskey on the rocks had Elsa laughing into her hand. Elsa turned, scanning the room for Anna. She spotted the redhead, sporting her signature twin braids, surrounded by a group of her friends. 

She was laughing ecstatically and the sight eased the tension inside of Elsa. The blonde took a few steps forward and leaned against the walls of the home, waiting for the right time to approach the girl and give her the envelope that Elsa held in her hands. 

Anna had really grown into such a beautiful woman. The childish baby fat of her younger years had completely disappeared. The redhead had a slim, athletic build with subtle yet noticeable curves. Couple that with Anna’s bubbly personality and Elsa could easily imagine she’d have no trouble finding someone in the future. Agnarr’s probably sweating at the thought of all the college boys and girls that’re no doubt going to be a problem.

It didn’t take Anna long to notice her posted against the wall. Elsa saw the young woman mention something to the rest of her friends before she got up quickly and rushed towards the older woman.

“Elsa!” Anna cheered as she neared with her arms open. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

The blonde smiled and took Anna into her arms, hugging the girl as tightly as she was being held. 

“Congratulations.” Elsa murmured into the hug and when they separated, Elsa extended her hand outwards with her gift.

“For me?” Anna asked with a light chuckle. 

Elsa smiled in response and the girl wasted no time tearing the envelope open. It was a simple card. Elsa had never really been good at gifts so the card was a generic high school graduate themed card with a small handwritten portion from Elsa. 

_‘Good luck in college Anna. I’m proud of you.” - Elsa._

Anna smiled as she read the words before checking the sleeve of the card that had a bank check just slightly slipping out. Anna gasped as she took the check into her fingers. The woman’s green eyes shot towards Elsa’s. She was speechless as her mouth fell open. 

“This is too much.” Anna gasped.

Anna was probably right. Two thousand dollars was a lot of money. But Elsa wasn’t going to use the cash. She was at a point in her life where her savings had been growing rather large. All those nights staying in and the lack of eating at restaurants had made her day to day expenses pretty small for a professor’s salary. 

“It’s for your savings. Although I’d imagine you’d wanna spend some of it right away.” Elsa laughed, “I don’t mind.” 

Anna shook her head rapidly

“No I’m gonna save every penny. I promise.” 

Anna wrapped her arms around the older woman once more.

“Thank you so much Elsa! You have no idea how much this means to me.” 

Elsa laughed and brushed off Anna’s gratitude. The warm feeling that Elsa felt in her stomach was enough of a reward for the blonde. It was rare for her to feel good and she was happy to share her wealth with Anna. It’s not like she was using it for anything special. 

A shout from one of Anna’s friends caught their attention and they both looked towards the group of graduates in the living room. It seemed like another one of Anna’s friends had shown up to the party. Anna swiveled to look back at Elsa. Her bright green eyes shined in thanks and apologies, but Elsa just waved the apology away.

“Go have fun with your friends.” Elsa said.

Anna nodded and walked back over to the group, leaving Elsa to stand uncomfortably in the house. All these people were getting loud, and the room was getting hot. Elsa eyed the back door and walked towards the exit of the home. 

Fresh air graced Elsa’s lungs and she sighed happily. Elsa let the gentle breeze rush over her face. The feeling was pleasant. It was only a matter of seconds before a cigarette was lit and placed between Elsa’s lips. 

Elsa took a long drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke out as she leaned against the railing of the back porch. She didn’t know how much time she spent outside but she was on her second cigarette when the back door slid open behind her. The sound of the party was loud, but it was muffled again when the glass door slid back into place.

“Anna showed us your graduation present.” A masculine male voice said from behind her. 

“Is Iduna upset?” Elsa asked.

“Furious.” Agnarr chuckled as he clipped a cigar in his hand and joined Elsa’s side by the railing. “She wants to know what on earth you’re thinking, giving Anna that much money.”

Elsa shrugged as she took another breath from her cigarette. She heard the sparks of Agnarr’s lighter as he lit his cigar and placed it into his mouth. 

“It’s just some spare cash I had. I wasn’t gonna use it.” 

Agnarr pulled a short puff from his cigar and released a cloud of smoke into the air. The scented, earthy smoke smelled rather good when it floated through the breeze towards Elsa.

“It’s more than that.” Agnarr said. 

Elsa ‘hummed’ in response. 

“I’m just happy for her.” Elsa sighed contently. “Wanted to give her something she’d use.”

“Iduna might be mad about it but I think I speak for us both when I say we appreciate it.”

Elsa nodded towards the man and let a comfortable silence fall between them.

There was a time when Elsa wouldn’t ever spend more time than she had to with Agnarr, but she could honestly say the man’s presence was nice right now. Maybe it was the special occasion, or maybe it was the fact that she’d conceded their war. He’d clearly won...far more than she ever did. Not that he even knew they were at war.

Elsa smiled sadly at her own thoughts.

“You know...Anna’s really drawn to you.” Agnarr interrupted Elsa’s wandering mind. “You’re all she talks about when you aren’t here.”

He looked at her with eyes full of pride and warmth and Elsa had to glance away. It didn’t seem right that Agnarr could look at her that way. Not when she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror anymore.

“I’m nothing special.” Elsa shrugged as she put her cigarette to her lips. The ash of the bud glowed bright orange before it scattered towards the ground below.

“I’d like to think we raised her well.” Agnarr smiled wistfully. “But you’ve always been there for her when Iduna and I couldn’t be.”

Elsa clenched her unoccupied fist against the wooden porch railing in frustration. She remembered the first time she met Anna and the hurtful ache she felt just being near the bubbly, innocent girl. Anna’s mere existence had caused her so much pain back then. Elsa closed her eyes, regretting her reaction back then. She was only ever doing what she thought would make Iduna happy...She wasn’t worthy of whatever pedestal Anna was placing her on.

“It’s not like you to be sentimental.” Elsa commented, hoping to steer the conversation away from herself.

“Well.” Agnarr sighed while snubbing out the cigar in his hand on a glass bowl nearby, “Today’s an exception. Things are gonna be different around here when Anna moves out.”

Elsa agreed. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do now. Anna had always been a good reason for Elsa to visit. The redhead made it easy to forget the pain Elsa harbored and focus on something other than the fact that her only two friends were remnants of her devastating heartbreak. Would she be able to spend time with Iduna and Agnarr now that Anna wasn’t going to be around? Sure, Arendelle University was close by, but Anna would spend less and less time at home. That’s just how things went.

The sliding glass door caught the attention of the two adults and they both looked back towards Iduna standing in the entrance of the home. 

“We’re looking through Anna’s photo albums now.” 

Elsa heard Agnarr sigh sadly before taking a step back towards the home. He passed Iduna with slumped shoulders and Iduna placed a comforting hand on the man.

“You’ll be fine honey.”

“I don’t feel like crying at my little girl’s graduation party.” Agnarr grumbled.

“I’ll cause a distraction if you need to slip out.” Iduna laughed as she swatted her husband’s shoulder playfully. 

Elsa found herself laughing at the interaction as well. Iduna and Agnarr were a beautiful couple. They really fit together quite well. Iduna turned towards Elsa, hearing the blonde’s laugh.

“And you.” Iduna pointed. “We’re gonna talk about that _obnoxious_ check you gave Anna later. For now, just come on in.”

Elsa gave a small smile.

“I know. I know. I’m coming.”

\----o----

Elsa groaned, her head pounding as she blearily blinked the sleep away from her eyes. This must’ve been the fifth hangover she’s had this week. A light knocking chime caught her attention as she walked towards her apartment door, stumbling on the empty bottles scattered about. 

She opened the door lazily, blinking and straightening tightly as she caught sight of Anna standing before her. The redhead was a grown woman now, having graduated college earlier this year. 

“Anna? What’s-” Elsa clenched her eyes from the constant pounding headache that bashed against her skull. “What’s wrong.” 

Anna stayed silent, watching Elsa with an indiscernible look in her green eyes. Elsa was worried, she looked sad. 

“Is something wrong?” Elsa asked. “Is there anything you need?” 

Anna grumbled something under her breath. Elsa strained to hear the words from her disorienting headache, but it sounded like she was saying, _”So worried about everyone else”_. Elsa blinked in confusion.

Anna sighed, running her hand over the top of her head and adjusting the braids on either side of her shoulders. Elsa was nervous. Anna didn’t visit often, but she also hadn’t seen the girl looking so...upset.

“Can I come in?” 

Elsa looked back into her apartment, wincing at the sight of the mess she had yet to clean up. It wasn’t something she wanted Anna to see. 

Life hadn’t been easy these last few years. Elsa was right, knowing that Anna leaving for college had strained her relationship with the family. She didn’t find any joy spending time with Iduna and Agnarr anymore. The love she felt for Iduna might’ve finally faded after so many years, but the scars of her heart hadn’t. Things had gotten harder.

“I- I’m not sure you should-. Is- is there something you need?” Elsa asked messily, trying to think of an excuse to tell the young woman.

“Please?” Anna asked, taking a step forward.

Unable to come up with a good refusal, Elsa sighed and pulled the door open farther, letting the redhead into her apartment. Elsa looked away from Anna when she saw the young woman wrinkle her nose at the raw and overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol. 

“Mom said you haven’t stopped by in a while.” Anna spoke. She sounded careful with her words. 

“She won’t leave me alone.” Elsa grumbled under her breath but apparently Anna heard her because she saw the redhead shake her head sadly.

“Actually, _I_ asked about you.” 

“Oh.” Elsa sighed. She didn’t know what to say at that.

Anna walked towards Elsa’s living room, brushing some trash off her couch before sitting down. Elsa followed the woman, taking a seat next to Anna. The two were silent and Elsa was growing increasingly uncomfortable as Anna watched her with calculative eyes. Those bright, green eyes watched her with such an intensity that Elsa couldn’t help but look away while guilt and shame pooled in her stomach.

“They haven’t been good to you have they?” Anna whispered. There was a subtle hint of anger in her words but it wasn’t directed at her.

Elsa’s crystal blue eyes widened at Anna’s question. She somehow understood exactly what Anna was talking about but Elsa refused to think the younger woman had known about Iduna’s, Agnarr’s, and her troubled history.

“W-what are you talking about? Your parents are great.” 

Anna shook her head. Her green eyes hardened with a mysterious emotion that had Elsa leaning away from her. Anna reached out her sun kissed hand, placing it on Elsa’s thin forearm. 

“Elsa.” Anna asked. “Are you okay?” 

Elsa felt her breath catch in her throat. For the first time in her life someone was actually asking her if she was okay? Elsa couldn’t understand why Anna was asking such a thing. Anna wasn’t supposed to concern herself with someone like her. Elsa’s time was up. She was a hollow shell of what she could’ve been, but that’s just how life worked right? She took too long, wasted too much time...

Elsa just nodded her head, unable to trust her voice to give a convincing lie. 

“Elsa.” Anna asked again with more emphasis on her words, “Are _you_ okay?”

Elsa felt Anna’s grip on her forearm squeeze tighter and she felt a bubble lodge itself in her throat. Her body was trembling. Anna’s concerned green eyes bore into Elsa’s and whatever strength Elsa had keeping her emotions at bay, broke. Elsa could feel her eyes watering. The reddening ache was painful as her vision blurred. Her lower lip quivered as she released a shaky breath.

Elsa shook her head, still unable to answer Anna properly, but at least being honest with herself and the younger woman. If not with her words, then at least her actions.

_‘I’m not. I’m not okay. I’ve never been okay.”’_

Elsa didn’t like the horrible feeling that was spreading through her chest. She had been so good at concealing it. So good at numbing it. She didn’t think a simple question would pierce through her so easily, breaking her down a resolve that she spent years crafting. 

“You were in love with my Mom weren’t you?”

A strangled whimper made its way past Elsa’s lips and the blonde didn’t even spend time wondering how Anna had found out the details of her past. She was too busy trying to keep everything inside. She was trying her fucking hardest not to completely shatter.

She heard Anna sigh and Elsa felt her muscles clench. She was physically fighting against the torrent of emotions that were struggling to break free. 

“I saw an album of old photos of you two together. I’d never seen you look so happy before.” Anna’s eyes glanced away from Elsa. “It wasn’t hard to piece together. You looked so lovestruck.”

Elsa filled her lungs with air, taking as many short breaths as she could while she continued to focus on herself. She was losing the battle quickly. Why would Anna do this to her? Why would she bring up these ugly memories?

“You stayed by her side all this time.” Anna breathed before returning her eyes towards Elsa’s trembling form. “It must’ve been so hard.”

Elsa released a muffled whine as she slapped her hand over her mouth and practically screamed into her palm while nodding her head. It _was_ so hard. It was torture.

Elsa closed her eyes, unable to look at Anna while the tears she’s been struggling to hold back began to spill over her pale cheeks. She heard Anna scoot closer and felt the woman’s arms wrap around her fragile frame. Elsa flinched at the feeling of Anna pressed so closely.

“I’m sorry you went through all that for them...” Anna spoke. “...And I’m sorry that it took so long for me to realize how much you were hurting.”

Elsa remained frozen in Anna’s arms. She felt like her cold, stone exterior was cracking and there wasn't any way to stop it. Why was Anna apologizing? It wasn’t her fault. Elsa knew she made too many stupid decisions. She couldn’t let go of her love until it was too late. She was just trying to make Iduna happy, no matter how much it killed her inside.

Elsa continued to stay silent, her body twitching uncomfortably and little sounds of her pain were slipping from her sealed lips. She felt Anna squeeze around her a little harder.

“It’s okay Elsa.” Anna murmured into her ear. “You can let it out.”

Suddenly, Elsa swung her arms around Anna, her hands splayed tightly behind the girl and Elsa pulled her as close as she could. Elsa finally stopped fighting herself and she released a broken sob. She wailed loudly, filling the room with her anguish. Elsa released all the hurt and pain in her life that had been building up.

She cried and cried. She cried for the cruelty of life. She cried for all the times she’d felt empty and cold. She cried for every moment she had to lie and pretend everything was fine. She cried for every day she woke up hating herself. She just...cried.

Elsa felt like a child at that moment, her sorrow was uncontrollable and sharp. It echoed in her apartment and stung with a pain that had Anna crying alongside her. Someone knew the truth. Someone _finally_ knew what she’d been carrying with her for so long.

When Elsa pulled away from Anna, the younger woman used the pads of her thumbs to wipe at the tears that filled Elsa’s eyes. Elsa found it ironic as they had been in this position once before, only their roles had been reversed.

“I care about you Elsa.” Anna whispered, and Elsa immediately took one of the redhead’s hands within her own. “You don’t have to feel alone.”

She needed to feel the warmth of Anna’s hand within hers. It was her lifeline.

“Thank you Anna.” Elsa cried softly, as she tried to offer the most sincere response she could ever muster, “Thank you.” 

\----o----

“I thought you said you’d quit.” 

Elsa glanced to her side to glance at Anna. The redhead sat just a few feet away on the park bench they were sharing. She turned to eye the lit cigarette between her fingers and blushed at getting caught. Honestly, she hadn’t even realized she’d pulled out a smoke. 

Elsa nodded and reached towards the trash bin and put out her cigarette. Frustrating as it might be, having Anna watch her bad habits was something she could be grateful for. The path to recovery and happiness wasn’t very easy. Most days were an absolute nightmare, but progress was being made, no matter how small. 

“I’m trying.” Elsa commented. Anna gave her a bright smile in return. 

“I know. I’m just giving you a hard time.”

Elsa felt her lips turn upwards into the faintest of smiles. After all these years she would’ve never imagined having a new friend. Let alone _Anna_ of all people. The thought struck her hard with such a powerful wave of emotion that left her breathless. 

“How was your week?” Anna asked beside her.

“It was...really great.” Elsa breathed, “I listened to your advice about trying to make a more engaging class.” 

“Really?!” Anna exclaimed, while brightly bouncing in her seat. “How’d it go?”

“You were right...all my students seemed to appreciate the change and I’ve gotten to know them better. They’re not just a bunch of nameless faces anymore.” Elsa paused, “It’s...nice.” 

It seemed that Anna had inspired so much more than Elsa could’ve ever expected. The younger woman was truly a wonderful person, helping her improve her life and find some sort of happiness within every nook and cranny. 

Where would she be without Anna?

“And how have you been?” Elsa asked, “How’s your job search?”

Elsa reminded herself that this sort of friendship was a two-way street. A give and pull. Something entirely unfamiliar, and yet so uniquely missed. 

“Ugh!” Anna grunted while throwing her arm to rest over her eyes, “Slow, non-existent, all I get is rejection after rejection.” 

“You’ll find something.” Elsa tried her best to reassure the young woman. 

“Oh, I’m not giving up. I’m gonna keep applying to every place I can until every employee knows me on a personal level.” 

Elsa laughed. It was just like Anna to remain unwavering and confident. The difference between them was often hard to fathom. 

They continued to share a light conversation until the sun set over the horizon of the park. The moon slowly drifted into view above the tree line and Elsa had to wonder where the time had gone. It still seemed to be moving so fast. 

“Guess everyone left already.” Anna remarked as she scanned the empty fields of grass. 

Elsa nodded.

They shared a brief moment of silence before Anna spoke up once more. 

“Is it weird that I don’t want to leave yet? I just...I like spending time with you.” 

Elsa shook her head and smiled.

“I like spending time with you too, Anna.” 

It was strange how comfortable Elsa felt. Not just here, with Anna, but in her own skin. It was as if she finally felt like she could just breathe and take in the world around her. The dark, looming thoughts of hopelessness sat passively in the corners of her mind, no longer a constant reminder. 

Of course, Anna had everything to do with that. Without the younger girl, she’d be drinking herself into oblivion in her ratty apartment with no care to whether she woke up or not. She’s changed so much so quickly. 

When a stray tear fell down her pale cheek and her vision of the beautiful park blurred, Elsa knew now was the best time to thank Anna. In this private moment, she could be honest with the one person who cared.

“Anna, I-” Elsa paused to swallow the lump in her throat, “I want to thank you. For being here for me. For caring about me.”

She let loose a breathy laugh.

“Thank you for constantly reminding me to kick my smoking habit and helping me get back on my feet. I-I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.”

She turned to look at the still redhead beside her and gave the best, most brilliant smile that she could muster. One that was true, and filled with nothing but gratitude and happiness. 

“I’m really happy you’re my friend.” 

“Elsa…”

Elsa wiped the tears of joy from her eyes, sniffling to herself as she stared at Anna.

Life was going to get better. Elsa was sure of it.

Suddenly Anna leaned forward, pressing her lips to Elsa’s. The older woman’s eyes widened at the sensation. She wanted to push the younger woman away, but Elsa’s body remained frozen while their lips connected with a light, fluttery touch. The tingling, beautiful warmth that spread through Elsa’s body had the older woman wincing uncomfortably.

Anna pulled away slowly and Elsa immediately stuttered out whatever response she could.

“A-Anna you c-can’t do that.” Elsa frowned, the kiss may have felt good but it wasn’t okay. 

They were too far apart. They came from different worlds. Different generations. Anna deserved better than her. Elsa couldn’t give Anna everything she needed and even now, it felt like she was betraying Iduna and Agnarr’s trust.

“I- I’m sorry.” Anna murmured, “I just, I thought I was reading the mood right and uh…”

“Y-you’re confused Anna. I’m- I’m too old for you. You can’t d-do this.” 

Elsa’s words created an unspoken rift of silence between the two. Several minutes passed before Anna spoke.

“I've felt this way about you for a while Elsa.” Anna said softly, her green eyes were swimming with comfort and hope and Elsa found herself sucking in a breath. “I’m not confused.”

Anna reminded Elsa of her younger self with that look of warmth, love and hope. It carried memories of the time when Elsa was happy and excited about love. It was a time when life had so much potential.

“Y-your parents- I- I can’t-” Elsa was trying her hardest to make sense of all the confusion and uncertainty that clouded her thoughts. 

“It’s okay Elsa.” Anna murmured slowly, “I overstepped. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Elsa brow furrowed as her brain was beginning to catch up to the events that had just occurred. By every rational thought, what happened between them should have never happened in the first place. It was impossible, unfathomable, and yet…

“I must be crazy.” Elsa whispered, and when she caught Anna’s questioning look she continued. “You don’t have to apologize Anna...I kind of...liked it.” 

Just saying those words made the two women freeze in their seats. Suddenly, the idea of something unbelievable, became possible. An unspoken realization of emotion clouded the air around them. Elsa’s crystal blue eyes honed in on Anna’s form as the woman began to lean in.

Anna moved slowly, carefully. She gave Elsa the opportunity to refuse her advances. She gave the older woman a choice, and despite the fear that twisted in her gut, Elsa found her eyelids slowly fluttering shut and she leaned in to meet Anna halfway. 

Their lips connected once more and Elsa hesitantly welcomed the wonderful emotions that pooled in her stomach at their soft connection. 

Maybe it was wrong. Maybe she really shouldn’t be sharing this intimate moment with Anna. But Elsa felt the cold, empty core of her being light up as she let Anna’s warmth envelop her. Their lips moved together in the most graceful, intoxicating way and Elsa could feel a different kind of tears slide down her cheeks. Tears of relief, of passion, and of hope.

They made her dare to think she could ask for more out of life.

Elsa knew her future was unclear. There’d still be plenty of pain and confusion on the road ahead but...with Anna…maybe she could finally start living her life the way she wanted.

Elsa separated from Anna and lovingly rested her forehead against the younger woman’s. She closed her eyes and took a deep, grounding breath.

Maybe it wasn’t too late for her.

  
**XXXXXX**   
  



End file.
